in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
