I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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