i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
