i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
