i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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