I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
