I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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