even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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