Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
why do cheetos always look like penises
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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