is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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