She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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