i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
