I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
