She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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