I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
