I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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