he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
