My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
