I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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