I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Found your dick twin last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
