I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
