so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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