when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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