My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
