508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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