you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My ATM looks so different sober.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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