you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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