I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
