Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
