I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I AM VODKA MAN
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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