Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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