Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
