i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
