I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
