Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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