so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize