I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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