Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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