I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
