never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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