Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
