just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
