oh god the rape fog is back!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
