Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
