Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
