i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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