she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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