No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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