Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize