So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
