I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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