This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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