I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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