I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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