ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish I only lived at night.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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