Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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