I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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