we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
