Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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