I smell stomach acid.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
