This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
