Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize