I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
