to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Two words: nipple clamps
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