I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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