Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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