I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
