I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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