is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
