I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
