Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
