Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is my gift to your gina
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
