this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
