i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just want to make out with him forever
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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