i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
